Musical Terms

 

Adagio Formaggio: To play in a slow and cheesy manner.

AnDante: A musical composition that is infernally slow.

Angus Dei: To play with a divine, beefy tone.

Anti-Phonal: Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.

A Patella: Unaccompanied knee-slapping.

Appologiatura: A composition, solo, or instrument you deeply regret playing.

Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer, not intended by the composer.

[I do this a lot.]

Approximento: A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch.

Bar Line: What musicians form after a concert.

Concerto Grossissimo: A really bad performance.

Coral Symphony: (See Beethoven – Caribbean period.)

Cornetti Trombosis Disastrous: Entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when

musicians exit hastily down the stage stairs.

Dill Piccolino: A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.

Fermantra: A note that is held over and over and over and.….

Fermoota: A rest of indefinite length and dubious value.

Fog Hornoso: A sound that is heard when the conductor's intentions are not clear.

Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.

Gaul Blatter: A French Horn player.

Good Conductor: A person who can give an electrifying performance.

Gregorian Champ: Monk who can hold a note the longest.

Kvetchendo: Gradually getting annoyingly louder.

Mallade: A romantic song that's pretty awful.

Molto Bolto: Head straight for the ending.

Opera Buffa: Musical stage production by nudists.

Poochini Musical: Performance, accompanied by a dog.

Pre-Classical Conservatism: School of thought which fostered the idea

"If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it!"

Spritzicato: Plucking of a stringed instrument to produce a bright, bubbly sound, usually

accompanied by Sparkling Water with Lemon. (Wine optional). ["Stop the

bubble-a machine'mm!"]

Tempo Tantrumo: When a young band refuses to keep time with the conductor.

Tincanabulation: The annoying or irritating sounds made by extremely cheap bells.

Vesuvioso: A gradual buildup to a fiery conclusion.

 

~~~

 

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we
don't serve
minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have a
fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is flat.
An
F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse
me. I'll just be a second." An
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is
not convinced that this
relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender
notices a
B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now!
You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a
3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking
sharp
tonight, come on in! The
E-flat takes off the suit, and stands natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
The
C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor,
and is sentenced to 10 years of
DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of accidental wrongdoing, and that all
accusations are
bassless.

The bartender decides that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the sopran-o ut in the bathroom,
and everything has become
altomuch treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar.

 

~~~